2006-05-30 - 2:54 a.m. : Waiting 4 Sadie
Sarah comes tomorrow. It's so hard for me to write about friends because who knows what will happen to them. Who knows where they will be in my life come one year from now, come five years, etc. But Sarah and her husband Brandon and their children Abigail and Tristan will be stopping by here on their way back up to Jacksonville from the Keys. I'm nervous. Won't lie. Excited too but mostly nervous.

In other news, we're waiting for Sadie. Something else that has me nervous and excited. It's a good reason why I'm up at this hour knowing I'll have visitors at ten. And don't get me wrong- I'm exhausted. I keep yawning. But my mind is just not feeling the whole sleeping thing.

I started working today on the whole art journal thing. I started a personal palette. And I made my first entry into what will become an I Am journal I think. It's just such an easy and adaptive prompt. "I am..." Today the entry was Waiting 4 Sadie even though I am also quite exhausted. But still. I like to think about my daughter. I like to wonder about her. This phase in pregnancy is to me the strangest. There are so many feelings going on it's overwhelming. My body is destroyed. I am in pain all of the time and it moves from place to place. My back, my hips, my thigh, my girl bits, my side, my stomach, my feet, etc. And because of that I am dying to be done with the pregnancy. Just be born already little princess. And then I start to think about what THAT means and I can't help but pause. Kinda like, well wait don't rush because wow you're going to turn this place upside down and really we're pretty close to upside downness already.

Not to mention there is that whole thing where I have to, you know, give birth to her. I try not to dwell on that much.

I can't help but wonder when she's born. And I get SO ANNOYED when people tell me, "Ok don't have your baby this week or these days." It's like Ok how bout now I really hope she's born those days just because you said otherwise. It's a silly peeve but it drives me nuts. Everyone has something and god forbid I inconvenience them, you know? My brother is in D.C., New York, and New Jersey following Pearl Jam around. My MIL and SIL informed me they're going to Boston Wednesday and will be returning Friday. My little brother has a tournament Saturday. Ok guys- whatever.

But I can't get a clear picture in my head of when. A feeling even. My grandmother said May 31. My FIL went for June 2. My SIL is feeling June 5 & 7. I kinda lean towards four dates- June 3, 5, 7, or 8. She could also be late. I realize that. I just don't know... I am so uncomfortable and so in pain I mean, can this go into week 41? And the thing is I really want to avoid induction. I HATED that. And I'm going to talk to my doctor about it when it's brought up. With Mario they had scheduled me for induction the day after my due date. I want to wait. And really he ended up being an induction anyways. I just... I dunno. I'm not in a rush I guess. Physically I am. I just about cry every time I have to get up the stairs. But, I don't know. There is other stuff I want to deal with. Other stuff to preoccupy me. We'll see.

0 of you have had really deep thoughts
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Waiting 4 Sadie - 2006-05-30
Do Over - 2006-05-02
An end and a beginning - 2006-04-22
Brain Bun - 2006-04-11
What Dreams May Come - 2006-04-04

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