2002-11-20 - 2:21 a.m. : Piss Piss Pissy
I'm pissed the hell off right now. Just really really fucking pissed and I do not want to go into it all because I think bad things when I am this mad. I have worked into the stage of anger where destructiveness of any sort sounds appealing to me. I feel like I should give something a good beating. Good enough to make my knuckles achy and bleeding. It's fuct up but I feel that way. I'd also like to be rendered unconscious. The closest I can get to though is what I did and that's consuming NyQuil.

I'm so fucking angry. So fucking hurt. So fucking nuts.

I miss California. It's moments like these where I just want to drive away with nothing but my license and my gas card. Just see how far I go before I get sick of the whole thing. Problem with that is I'm in Miami and it is such a boring drive through florida.

We painted K's bathroom today. It looks really pretty. And I gave her a beautiful shower curtain I had bought for myself but never used.

The only reason I am doing an entry is because I am killing some time while the NyQuil kicks into gear. I'd be on AIM right now but just like there are some people I'd want to talk to there are some people I definitely don't want to talk to. So here I am. Tippity tap tap typing away. I want to scream a frenzied scream. I want to tear things to bits. I want to create dents. I want I want I want. Sometimes I wonder if running into a pole at 100+ MPH would really be such a bad thing. I guess it would if I survived.

Ew. I really just typed that didn't I? I hate those thoughts and I hate when they make their way into my mind and out through my fingertips. Or something. FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT DAMN DAMN DAMN.

I saw two stinking meteors last night. I don't know if my wishes will come true. I really don't fucking know. I never do. I hate wishing. I like doing it, but I hate it later. Cause you believe in wishes. Otherwise you wouldn't make them. And wishes get your hopes up. They are pesky little bubbles of optimism in my realistic view of the world. And they suck.

I'm going to despise this entry tomorrow. If it was on paper I'd trash it. Perhaps I'll delete it. Or maybe I'll just write new ones until this one is gone gone gone. Out of sight out of mind.

I hate pissy writing.

0 of you have had really deep thoughts
last * next
Waiting 4 Sadie - 2006-05-30
Do Over - 2006-05-02
An end and a beginning - 2006-04-22
Brain Bun - 2006-04-11
What Dreams May Come - 2006-04-04



The American Red Cross