You know why I'm glum don't you? I would think it is so obvious. A stupid tiff with the significant other. Do you know it actually takes effort for me to stay mad at him? I find that bizarre as I am quite skilled at holding grudges. Don't think i listed that in my trading card. So I can't understand why I find it so hard to stay pissed off. Even my usually effective technique of repeating mean things he's said doesn't work. I convince myself of being over-emotional. And I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to him and go to sleep. I never sleep as well as I do when I am with him. But I don't talk to him. He tried earlier but the tongue didn't move the way I wanted it to and he hung up and went to work. I imagine that's where he is now. Or he's just exhausted and doesn't feel like dealing with me just now and has crashed into some sort of slumber. I must say I hope it is an anxious one.
I feel like I've been walking around all day in a shade of gray. And I don't want to deal with things yet. I just want to stay here hidden. I want to cry too but well I must have some sort of mechanism for that kind of thing. The right movie would do it and I think The Deadw would suffice but it's late and I don't have a television in my room as my brother took it away to the Keys and has not returned it. The jerk.
The good thing about these moods is that they are perfect for school. I mean sure they are best suited for lonely gloomy weekends, but school is second best. I have an excuse to mindlessly sit in a classroom and either lose myself in the professor's words or lose myself in my own thoughts and the lines of the notebook paper as they slowly get covered with black doodles. I may not be good at it, but I adore doodling.
What now? My mind is blank and I sit here picking at the nail polish on my fingernails and the dried, dead skin on my ankle. Is that disgusting? I'm a picker, what can I say? Pick pick pick till there's blood. Then I stop. If it's my finger I suck on it and the salt of the saliva makes it tingle, sometimes it tingles more than others. Why I am divulging this information is beyond explanation.
Talk to me strangers. Tell me about you. Distract me won't you?
