Nightmares. I never was one who suffered much from them. If I ever had any sleep ailment it was usually insomnia. Now, it's been nightmares. They've happened a lot and between last night and this morning, I have the feeling I haven't had anything but nightmares. I don't know what they are. Except in the last one I fought a girl on a bus. I was kicking her ass pretty well until her friend jumped in. Then I got off the bus and woke up covered in sweat. Emotions are running high lately as I have been stressing about where J and I will be living and all that. But other things have been happening lately too. Compunded with a scary confrontation with his pops this morning that seeped right into my brain and wreaked havoc with my emotions until I finally spoke with J about two/three hours later. That calmed me down enough to try and sleep- and have the bus nightmare. The worst thing is at the bottom of all this, I just feel all this guilt because I am pregnant. And I just feel it is very unfair for me to feel the way I have been feeling lately. My baby shouldn't be feeling that kind of reaction from me. Violent crying and bafflement and betrayal. And that makes me feel worse. It's a really bad cycle. I cried so muc this morning, it's about 8 hours later and I still feel like I have the crying face on. The sunburn I got yesterday probably doesn't help that feeling.

My baby is getting so big. I just know it. I haven't gained any weight anywhere else really. Although I am becoming further convinced my hips have been expanding and my fiancee is confirming this. I thought my jeans weren't fitting me because of my expansive belly. We'll just have to wait until after Boo is born to get a better idea of where my figure changed permanently versus temporarily. Until then, I feel like Betty Boop. Except I don't have that big head. It just feels all swollen from the crying and the sunburn.

I read today that the baby is now responsive to touch and light. They suggest trying to tickle its feet when it kicks. And that they have proven when you shine a light on the abdomen at this point, the baby turns its face away. I get so excited about Boo some times. Last night, I just stared and stared at the sonogram of Boo's face. I wonder what it will be like. The whole package, the whole experience.