Sorry about the absence. The weekend was insane. Friday night wasn't so bad but i ended up having to work Saturday from 3 - 11 and then Sunday night, the awards night, I was in there from 8 in the morning to 1 in the morning. Ouch.
It was pretty amazing though. I saw some interesting people (Mike Tyson, Russell Simmons, Lil John, Vivica Fox, etc.) but it was just so hectic everyone was a blur after the first two hours.
Both events looked gorgeous though. I have to say that. R2 is really good at what he does. I'm really glad I have this opportunity. Tomorrow night is another event. He mentioned he didn't think he'd need me but I'm going to see if I can go because I coordinated some stuff for this one and I'd like to see it myself you know?
I have a midterm tomorrow on John Milton and I just can't focus. I'm not too worried about it although I DO need to study up on a couple facts. I'm more worried about Thursday's Shakespeare midterm. Especially as I missed class today.
My grandmother got back too late from her errands so M and I went to the park to kill some time. He's so beautiful. I was a little disappointed with the park because there just wasn't a lot for him to do. They didn't have any baby style swings just these crazy looking chairs and normal swings. I tried swinging on that with him in my lap and he wasn't very happy. Since he isn't walking I couldn't just set him down and walk around behind him. So I held his hands and walked him around the playset, we went down a couple slides, and he stood at these little play stations and made lots of noise on these neat chime pipes. He mostly loved sitting on the park bench and watching the other "nenes" or the leaves on the bench and on the floor or anything really.
I kinda had a few moments today where I felt guilty about my new job. I actually had to do some work at the park while we sat on the bench. But I reminded myself I don't have that much time with him right now because I'm working AND going to school. And I'll graduate in a year. And I'm doing this for him. So that made me feel a little better but I'm still kinda emotional about it. Damn you PMS. I know what you're doing to my heart and mind (and skin too don't think I haven't noticed) and I don't like it one bit.
So far I think I've done an ok job with M. And I judge this by the fact that he's a really loving and affectionate kid but not just with me and his daddy but with a lot of people. And he's a happy kid. A really happy kid. His grumpy moments are so few they really just kinda shock us when they happen and we worry if something's wrong. These days he's just more to handle. He's become such a tornado of trouble. He is curious about every little thing and wants to get into every little thing and wants to eat every little thing. And even though he can't/won't walk he can get most anywhere with his super happy terrific crawling and climbing skills. I'm always looking to reassure myself on my parenting. And yet it's kinda frustrating because I know even if I was a good parent rather than ok I'm still going to be yelled at one day "I hate you!" and doors are going to be slammed in my face. Yes I work myself up over these kinds of things. Even though he's only 14 months old as of today (October 12, 2004).
All in all I just figure I'm lucky to have him. And I'm lucky he's the way he is. I can't take credit for his being such a great kid. It's just not possible. I believe in nature and nurture being pretty level but right now I think my son is naturally the way he is mostly. My little pumpkin. :)
