I am at the end of the rope I swear. It's fraying so quickly: some times in small threads and other times in large chunks. The frustrating thing is knowing I'll be ok soon, so soon. I am halfway through the paper that is due tomorrow. I have written down the thoughts I have on the remainder of the paper. J will be taking M to my grandmother's. If adrenaline, guilt, nerves, etc. get me out of bed early enough, I'll finish it in time. And I might, but this is exceedingly wishful thinking, I might be able to review somewhat for the final. Then, I can come home and finish the Milton paper and do the take home version of the final.
Did you do a double take? Would you like to know why I have a take home version of the final? Because, I had to endure this today and for most of the weekend:

This went on for a very long time today. And at some point during it, after I had a breakdown on the phone with J and told him I was a failure and a fuck up and blah blah general hysterics, I managed to gather myself enough to call my Milton professor and leave a message on her voicemail. I don't know what I said exactly because I was still in breakdown mode. But I know I sounded panicked because I kept telling myself "Calm down she's going to think you're psycho." I remember telling her I just wasn't ready and could I please do a take home or something and to call my cell phone or I'd pass by and blah blah pretend i'm not hysterical hysterics. Needless to say she didn't call me back and instead of sending everything to hell, I turned the car around on the way to taking M to my grandmother's and went to school with him. I showed up at my classroom with him in tow and she came out. She had gotten my message but with M screaming she couldn't get the number. So there's a take home final in my inbox. And if you think I've so much as glimpsed at it you're fucking psycho.