Here we go again. Except this time, I don't feel as if I'm being hurtled against a brick wall- I feel more like I'm just freefalling endlessly. There's nothing to grab onto, nothing to slow me down, nothing to STOP it. Into the rabbit hole. I guess the thing that really bunches my petticoats is that I am such a control maniac. And so I know that the only person responsible for creating these ridiculous unending rabbit holes is myself. So yeah ok maybe having a job and a kid and school make the digging a lot easier but in the end, it's all my doing. It's the one thing about myself that I desperately wish I could change- motivation. I just can't ever take the initiative when it'd be good and smart and reasonable to do so. Hell no. I've got to just let things sit in my lap until oops time's up in thirty seconds. You saw how ferociously late it was last night when I finally called it quits. M didn't stop with the bitching and the whining until about 5 he tore into a full-fledged wail. J of course asked me to take care of M and I snapped at him and told him hell no I just got into bed and needed to be up in a few hours. Thankfully, he actually didn't put up much of a fight and tended to M. Either way, the house was NOT silent until after 5. And I had to be up at 8:45. I was out of my house with a sleepy but happy M in my arms an hour later. And by some miracle of GATORADE I made it to my 10:30 meeting at 10:30 on. the. damn. dot. And then the meeting just went on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. We finally made it to our 11 o'clock meeting at TWELVE THIRTY. I made it to my class at 2:45. Yes my class DOES start at 2 o'clock but today was a rehearsal day and much more flexible and I really needed a few minutes with the accompanist. Then get this. I, being fucking SHE-RA, jumped into my car at 3:15 and FLEW to my house where I arrived EXACTLY 15 minutes later. I swooped upstairs and grabbed my creative project, and flew back to the She-Ra Mobile. I made it BACK to school and my next class at 3:45- only 15 measely minutes late and I was NOT the last one to get there. Then I flew back home and here I am waiting for UPS to arrive with several lava lamps so that I can then get back into my car and go to South Beach and buy those god forsaken RUGS. And THEN... I just don't know. I guess I could go to get M from my mom's house unless she already brought him back here to J while I'll be gone. Whatever I don't know.
You know when you get like a pocket watch for instance; and you hold up the chain and you grab the watch and bring it all the way up to you and you're ready to let it go turning into a kick ass pendulum? I feel like the watch, all the way up there. I'm sitting in the rollercoaster at the very teepy top of the hill, creeping closer and closer to that point where we go careening back into full speed and turns and loops.
And then, it'll be night time and this day will end... and THAT is when the fun really starts.