2005-05-02 - 4:15 a.m. : Creative buzz type thing
Wow it's 4 in the morning. I'm not really tired, I'm actually slightly wired. I've spent the whole day crafting. Yes I know that makes me sound like Uber Dork 3000 but, well, it's the total truth. So since I've been "creating" things all day today, I'm kinda on a mental buzz.
I have had a really odd weekend. It started on Friday with a really rough day with M. He was just difficult. He was using the whiny tone the entire day, and demanding, and needy- but not in a cute endearing way. It took a toll on me. Finally, I just walked away into my bedroom and climbed into bed. I just lay there and closed my eyes because my head would not stop thumping. He came into the room and climbed onto the bed too via the armchair. He started "combing" my hair with a toy block until he got frustrated with my lack of response I guess and beamed it at my head. It hurt. It stung. It totally took me by surprise and I burst into tears. It wasn't because I'm a wimp and the block was causing physical suffering or anything. It was just everything. He flung himself on me "Mami what wong?" he'd ask over and over again and I couldn't say anything. I was that defeated. He then slapped me. I just climbed out of the bed and walked away. I couldn't even punish him.
Even though my MIL showed up at my house to take him for the night, that night really didn't improve. We just stayed home doing absolutely nothing.
The next day, our best friends showed up with a bottle of Patron and limes. We downed two shots of tequila, were sipping on midori sours, watching Da Ali G Show when her phone rang. Her dad was back in the hospital with heaart attack symptoms. Her husband stayed here with mine and I hauled ass to the hospital with her. Thankfully, three and a half hours later, they informed us he was fine and had not suffered a heart attack but would have to be admitted into the hospital because he was post bypass surgery. Most of all, we felt really bad about "wasting" those shots of tequila-- although they were fun while the buzz lasted. And we kept cracking each other up in the ER waiting room randomly calling out "Buyakasha!" Seeing the tiny baby rushed into the hospital in a little plastic box was a total dampner though. ER's suck.
This weekend, I've been totally unwilling to deal with M. It's retarded. And I can't make up my mind about having another baby. Last night J told me again he didn't want one and yet today he was all about it. It's a tug of war on the heartstrings for me. Anyways, I guess it's time to surrender. I need to go to bed. Shower and bed.
0 of you have had really deep thoughts
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