Well, I just got off the phone with two very good friends of mine in Berkeley, CA. I missed them so very much and I happened across one of them online and started chatting with him and demanded my other friend's number and I called her up and chatted and then called him up and got some more of the scoop. A lot happens in a year- and yet some things never change it seems.
By the way, I have updated the Photo Album at the top there. So feel free to take a look-see. My goddess I miss California so much. I really shouldn't get started on this thread because it really tears at my soul it seems. And it's strange and unnerving because many times when I think of California, I have to think of my ex.
I think I'll explain my situation with my ex to you because at times, it helps clear my mind. And right now, my mind needs clearing as it got inundated with lots of information. First of all, I met my ex-boyfriend online about seven years ago. We got along famously in chat rooms and were forever e-mailing each other and writing letters to each other. We never met though for many reasons. First of all, as much as the idea excited me it completely unnerved me as well. Second of all, he lived in California and I lived here in Florida. Distance was against us and so was the ridiculous cost of travel. Well, in 2000 I got the chance of a lifetime. Ever since high school, I had wanted to go to San Francisco. I just knew there was something about that part of the world that was right for me. I landed myself a very well-paying job in a communications company called NorthPoint. So I packed myself up, caused my family a lot of anxiety, and moved to California. My future ex-boyfriend's family extended me a warm welcome and let me stay in their home. Well, of course a romance sprung between my ex and I and we moved into an apartment together. It was not the most intelligent move I've made.
From the beginning of the romance, it seemed my ex and I could not get our acts straight with each other. We were two very proud people who were really bad at fighting. But we thought love would prevail and stuck it out and it was the most painful experience I've endured to this point. Losing my job when they filed bankruptcy, and enduring stress like crazy, I finally gave up my California dream and moved back home with my tail between my legs. The plan was for me to enroll in school, and my ex-boyfriend would move down to be with me two, three months down the road. It never happened because I ended the relationship in December. It was a bad, painful break-up. And incredibly awkward to talk to one another but I needed to as many of my belongings were over there. Eventually, things smoothed out between us, and we have pretty much come full circle and are now long distance friends with emails to one another ever so often. And I like that because he was a good friend to me, and I know he cared for me as much as I cared for him and to waste a friendship as strong as that made such little sense to me.
Now, there is a small problem. I am currently with someone I love quite deeply. I care about him with every fiber of my being and he makes me feel unbelievably happy, loved, and secure. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I know I will never feel this way about anyone again. I just cannot endure this with another person. He is right for me, and I am quite sure I will be with him for the rest of my life. My past is a sore point with him, as it often is in many relationships. I think my firendship with my ex is an awkward situation for him but he is of course wonderful about the whole thing. Anyhow, there are times I think about California and I think of my ex. But not in a romantic way. Because I no longer have those feelings for him. But he is a friend, and in that way, I do actually miss him the way I miss the rest of my friends. But because he holds the title of ex-boyfriend, I feel bad about missing him. And really, all I want to do is go to Berkeley for a day or two and simply drive around visiting everyone and introducing them to the man I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, my boyfriend. But I can't imagine how awkward such a meeting would be for my boyfriend.
And I don't even know why I'm talking about this. Maybe because my friends brought it to the surface by begging me to go visit them soon.
Onto another subject, believe it or not. Have you ever seen an image that has completely ensnared you? An image that just grabs at you? This happens to me often and I wonder why I don't have my camera at my hand every second of my waking life. But, sometimes, the image is already captured for me. There is a gorgeous picture in the October issue of Vogue Magazine that features a model in pink Dior couture with an amazing Vegas headress. I am in love with that image. It has completely struck at me. It sits on my desktop.I truly adore the picture and I just can't explain why. Anyways, I felt the need to share it. I think it might be the outlandish shoes, or the wonderful look she's giving, or the delicious background, or the beaded skirt, or the amazing headress. Or maybe it's just the perfection of everything put together. It has me captivated. Do you have an image like that? Tell me about it please. I want to see what captivates people.
