It's weird how just a couple of seconds can set the tone of the day you know? My fiancee yelled at me in the car on the way to some party earlier today. That was about 8 or 9 hours ago. I'm home listening to music and he's still there thinking of not even leaving the party till about 2.
Listening to: Percy Sledge When a Man Loves a Woman
So of course I got to the party in a foul mood. It was a pretty lame party and his sister and my brother were pretty bored and kinda skittish of the people there. They were just morons. And I got really pissed off when one of the girls just lit up and started smoking a bowl right next to me. Ok I KNOW I look pretty damn pregnant. It's hard to not notice. Is it just me or is that just plain fucking rude? The bowl started making rounds and I made up some lame excuse to go to the car for something. After that it was downhill. My anger was making me feel sick and the food wasn't that great. Everyone around me is getting fucked up (again) and I was just completely annoyed.
Listening to Marvin Gaye What's Going On
So thankfully Jaks was really desperate to get the hell on outta there and we told J. He looked pretty disappointed so I told him if he could find some friend to drop him off at home he was more than welcome to stay. He of course snatched up the offer. He's still there. My feelings are pretty hurt. He hasn't called me once to check with me on anything. I had to call him twice because the first time he didn't answer. I kinda feel like setting up the couch for him. I am really hurt. I guess more than I thought. I just feel like this is insult to injury or something. I am relishing being by myself in a way. I don't know I just can't decide what I want. I guess I do though. I want to be alone, but not because I am being ignored or neglected. I am dying to go to the beach and just sit in the sand. But it's Memorial Day weekend and south beach is horrific.
Listening to Gladys Knight and the Pips Midnight Train to Georgia
Instead I am having a music driven evening. I've been downloading music for a good hour or so. Finally I just ran out of ideas and missed my little diary. I just feel like writing a lot I guess. God I can't shake this crapola feeling. And I have very little faith I will shake it later. When I get like this I get physically ill too. I feel very nauseous and therefore not at all hungry which I know isn't great for my little baby. And that makes me even sadder. Like I'm already a stupid mom, a bad one. Like I'm selfish. I hate feeling selfish. Merde. Now I'm blank on what to write. Dealing with reality and not having any escape methods is very annoying to do- actually more like a depressing thing to do. This whole weekend all I have done is been witness to other people becoming inebriated.
Listening to Stevie Wonder For Once In My Life
Do you have the slightest idea of how horribly annoying it is to just sit around and watch other people become inebriated? And not just one night because the next night it's your friend's turn or because in a couple days you'll be done with some medicine or whatever. For MONTHS. I would hate to be some recovering alcoholic on the 12 step plan. I really would be a very frustrated and unhappy individual- maybe. I guess maybe it's different because I didn't prepare for this or decide on this or anything. It's like someone just randomly knocking on your door and telling you you can't drink for the better part of a year- if you do you risk hurting someone you love. And they do this just before New Year's Eve. Yeah. Fun.
Listening to Donna Summer Love To Love You Baby
More like irritating and annoying as fuck especially when that's what everyone around you really likes to do on the weekend. Hi I'm Bitter. Ok just hit a blank again. This song just threw me off or something. All the moaning or something. By the way, have I mentioned I saw matrix reloaded and was not at all impressed by it? Yeah that movie was a complete letdown. It bothers me to hell that I was disappointed with that movie. 2 Fast 2 Furious looks more entertaining. I'm serious. You think I'm joking? The chase scene in matrix reloaded was the movie's best part- I'd rather just watch a whole movie of shit like that. No problem.
Listening to James Brown Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Especially if Tyrese is somehow involved. Hello. I've thought that man is fine for years. Literally, years. I used to have one of the guess ads he was in by my monitor at work. You couldn't see it if you were in my office, but I could. When shit would get hectic, my friend would tell me to take a Tyrese Moment. And I did. Gladly. So yeah sign me up for 2 Fast 2 Furious. I'm not at all intrigued about The Hulk. I loved X2 and I liked Daredevil but The Hulk just looks like Shrek on steroids. You never know though I guess. Maybe I'll see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen even though it is "very loosely" based on the comic book. I hate it when shit like that happens. Oh and I am so down to see Finding Nemo. That movie looks so cute! This sucks, if I weren't pregnant I'd so be drinking all the beer in my fridge and dancing around like a monkey or something. Instead I am here venting.
Listening to Al Green Tired of Being Alone
I took a nap earlier this evening. I don't know how long it was for though because it was one of those naps where I obviously woke up even though I was completely unaware I had fallen asleep. Make sense? You've had those? They are so bizarre. And those are the ones that give you the most energy too. So you can just forget the idea of going back to sleep right after that. It's 12:25 and I don't exactly feel like sleeping. Instead I want to watch movies. If I owned it, this would be the night I'd watch I Am Sam again. It's that kind of night. Instead I have no idea what to watch so I'm just sitting here type, type, typing. Boo likes the music though- it's been moving around and stuff. Maybe it's dancing or something. It's not pissed or annoyed because it's not kicking. It's just moving.
Listening to Al Green Call Me
I really think Boo is going to be a boy. So much so that the idea of it being a girl is kind of strange to me. Like I really think I'll be weirded out if I hear "It's a GIRL!" I'll be like "Huh? No it's not. Let me see." I just feel like I'm carrying a boy. It's so bizarre. I think I've had that feeling predominantly from the beginning too. I've been drawn to themes traditionally for boys even though they can easily be adjusted for a girl. Like duckies. And the whole Moon and Star theme. If you could see my belly right now you'd be so freaked out. It's dancing around. Literally. Part of it protrudes and then it comes down and the other part wiggles.
Listening to Aretha Franklin Spanish Harlem
It's so weird this stage. I really look like I have some alien creature in me. OK I don't like this song. Ew.
Listening to Prince Cream
I think we're about to have a Prince session. We'll see. I can either be all about Prince or just feel lukewarm and therefore be easily irritated. Mierda all the dancing this baby has been doing is taking its toll on my bladder. I think I am going to disengage myself from this computer already. It's kinda lame how long I've been on it. No joke it has been for hours. How sad. Alright well have a groovy evening.
