Hmmm ok I just typed that phrase and stared at the monitor for a good 45 seconds. Wow I blanked.

Tomorrow's my first event. Good god I can't believe it's already here! I'm so excited. The only thing that blows is I had to impose on a good friend of mine and beg her to watch M for about two hours because no one else can. My grandfather is still in the hospital, both of my brothers are/will be in Orlando for the Vote For Change concert, my mom and dad work, my father, mother, and sister in law work, and J had to take two days off this week because of how sick he got. I feel SO bad because she's got a lil booger herself. I just keep reminding myself it's only for two hours.
Know what keeps going through my head? I just keep wondering how this job is going to impact my life. As in, what will it change and will it change for good or bad? Don't get me wrong, I'm not naive here. I don't see this job as completely perfect. It has its drawbacks. But the pros? They don't just outnumber the cons they obliterate the cons. I wonder if my song will change in three, six, nine, twelve, eighteen months.
You know I read a discussion going on one of the MB's I frequent about disciplining children. This MB is entirely made up of women who had (or were scheduled to have) their baby (for most of us, our first) in August of 2003. So we all have kids in the same age group going through the same kinda things pretty much. Of course, our kids are all about 14 months right now. Which means, of course, they're getting into everything. And it's frustrating. It is! M is a great kid but sometimes he totally gets under my skin. So here's the thing, how do you discipline a 14 month old? I don't think you can. Someone mentioned friends of theirs who swore by switches. I think that's awful! Our children have been on this planet for just over a year. A good portion of that year was busily spent simply fattening up and figuring out how to become coordinated enough to develop good enough motoring skills to get them where they wanted to go. But they have really only had this freedom for a few months in the grand scheme of things. And they're BABIES! Of course they don't comprehend. My kid laughs when I slap at his hand. And then he slaps me back. More than once if I don't get a hold of those little hands fast enough. I don't know, I just don't think it's fair to expect 14 month old babies to be disciplined. This isn't the age for that! This is the age for growing and developing largely physical skills so they can develop more of the social ones later. Yes my kid waves bye (most times) but I don't think he knows what it means really. It's just another one of his "tricks."
I am NOT an advocate of spanking as a regular disciplinary action. I'm not an advocate of any physical discipline really. Nothing other than the light slaps on the hand (holy crap it just started POURING outside as in it sounds like heaven is throwing out a bucket of water on us) and the occasional smack on the butt (which makes me laugh as soon as I do it because damned if those diapers aren't padded as hell!), I just don't see results. I know as many people that weren't spanked as children as I know people who were and you know, there is an even distribution among both groups as to how they were as kids and how they are now. The only marked difference is the kids who were physically disciplined on a regular basis talk about it ALL the time and not always in a very respectful way. I don't want my child doing that when he gets older. So why use that sort of discipline? Not only that but I just CAN'T do it. It really hurts me. I once gave M a real spanking and I literally felt my heart shatter and a piece of me just fall apart. It's not for me. And I won't do it as long as he's a baby. It makes NO sense to me.
I'm not sure if spanking or Bush/Cheney '04 make less sense to me. That's how opposed to it I am. But you'd never find me really telling someone all this to their face. I don't think it's right to impose that kind of thing on another even if they ask you for your opinion. Does that make sense? Ok I'm just going on here. I'm wrapping this up now.