2005-07-08 - 1:20 a.m. : Dammit where's my PMS badge?
A weird thing is happening. M is getting really really addicted to me. I guess that I'm home too much? He doesn't even really care for J these days unless he wants something that J has. It is really bothering J but I'm starting to not care because J is really bothering me this week. He's fully shifted into the whole "You stay home all day so you should do everything" bullshit mode that drove me into work and school as soon as I could. Yesterday I actually remembered to defrost meat so that he could season it and cook when he got home. He told me to cook it. I told him I didn't know how because it's some roast thing. He said you just stick it in the oven. I asked why he couldn't do it if it was that simple. He mumbled some excuse about M and Gymboree and something and suggested pizza. No. I took out meat so we could eat healthy. No dice. He ended up going out to dinner with his mother and didn't bring me back anything. I ended up running late to the gym and asked him to please stop by on the way home and get M some diapers, we had ZERO, and his organic milk. Gymboree is two blocks from a Publix Grocery. Why did he go to a gas station? Where he bought size 3 diapers (M wears size 5 but J says that's all they had) and a half gallon of everyday milk. Was it so hard? Seriously? I ended up going to the store myself with K and doing groceries. He didn't make dinner tonight either, he made himself a tuna wrap or something. Me? I didn't eat dinner. He scolded me about letting M take a long nap and kept pushing me to wake him up- while HE was taking his own nap. That's so sweet thanks. I told him earlier how exhausted I was. I was on five hours sleep for the second day in a row. I was the one who drove in and out of Key Largo today (at least one hour each way). I had M today at the Aquatic Center. And instead of falling asleep and taking my own nap, I lay in bed reading and enjoying my novel (Time Traveler's Wife if you're curious and yeah it is EXCELLENT). At K's house, we got together to cut a cake for R and he made some crack about needing someone to come clean our dishes. "Yeah," I said, "Since you've decided you don't need to do that either anymore." His retort- "You get PAID to stay at home." Yeah dickhead. By my boss. To work. For him. Not you. Get over yourself. I try hard to not let it aggravate me because really in a way he has a point. And I get that. But I DO do shit around here. And that's where I get frustrated. He acts like I do nothing. He mumbled today about always having to clean up after his "two little piggies." I wanted to stab him. He just keeps making stupid comments. Another one- "Have you SEEN how much trash is accumulating in here?" Um yeah. Cause you haven't taken it out in days. Yet another responsibility of yours you apparently deem yourself way too good for.
It's days like today... I hate that I'm typing this but I swear I'm venting, ok> It's days like today where I sit down and really thing to myself... Is this worth it? I mean if we split, I'd receive some sort of child support from him. And I have my grandmother to watch M and R2 has said time and again that really my growth in the company depends entirely on me. I am my own limit really. If I want to be a workaholic, he'd be fine with that arrangement. So I know I could build up enough of a salary to support myself. But then... I'd be alone again. Kind of. I know what's going on with me and really it's not serious. I am the kind of person that needs to feel appreciated- really appreciated. When that doesn't happen, I get so frustrated. I guess it's a flaw. I just feel like I make an effort to show my gratitude towards others. Like maybe I'll temporarily forget, you know? But in the end, I totally remember. And when I do, I feel, I go out of my way to show that person that thanks that meant a lot to me. Maybe I'm just delusional. And maybe, it doesn't help that this IS PMS week.
0 of you have had really deep thoughts
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