2005-09-28 - 12:52 a.m. : I've found a reason for me
I just stepped out of the bath and was wrapping my towel around me and letting my mind wander in its silent monologue and it started discussing what I really enjoyed about NYC and my business trip there.

Oddly enough, and I really can't believe I'm going to type this right now, my favorite part of my trip there was mornings. Most of my mornings there were wide open. Friday I didn't have to meet with r2 until about 2 in the afternoon. Saturday, we had to get together at 8:30 in the morning and even that was a pleasant experience. Sunday, we were going to meet at around 11:30 or noon. And Monday, I had to be at the lobby for my massage at 1.

My NYC ritual, I actually had one in a way, was to sit in bed at night and watch TV until around 2 in the morning. I'd turn the TV off, roll over to the nightstand to take off my contacts, roll over to the lightswitch to shut off the lights, nest into the four down pillows resting on the featherbed, and pull the down comforter and sheet up to my chin. A couple of nights, I was restless with thought and confused but once I fell asleep, I really went out like a light.

Most mornings, I woke up at around 9:30. One morning I snoozed until 10:30. Most times I just lay there until 10. And then the fun started. I'd get out of bed and take my lenses to the bathroom. I'd wash my face really well and put on my contacts. Then moisturize my face. Then I'd brush my teeth and head to my closet. Ah, what to wear? I'd linger and think of a couple things and decide. I'd dress and brush out my hair and put on super light makeup (mascara and lipgloss and on that one super early morning some concealer). Whether I was with r2 or on my own, I'd head for breakfast. A latte with yogurt parfait; lemonade/iced tea and a chocolate croissant; french roast and an everything bagel; pumpkin spice latte with whipped cream (I saved the madamoiselles for the plane). I ate breakfast in different places- back in my room, at the venue, on the street. But just wandering aimlessly in the mornings, it was so nice.
I'm going to bed now. I just want to avoid that pitfall of staying up so late and waking up all cloudy. I went to bed last night with J and woke up half an hour before M did but just lay around in bed until he woke up. Tonight, I had a hot bath and a side of Bazaar magazine and now I'm here. Just documenting that whole thing. That fleeting thing.
I loved my business trip. I want another one. It was hard on me in some areas, it really was. I'm not just saying that to avoid the perception of being cold-hearted or uncaring. It hurt me that J celebrated his birthday, without me even though I totally encouraged it. I was happy for him, I just wanted to be there too. It crushed me when M wouldn't talk to me on the phone because he was clearly SO tired from being woken up early because I couldn't be there to care for him. I couldn't get those I loved out of my head. I have to tell you that is one funny thing about NYC. There really is something for everyone. As vastly different as the people I love are from each other, I was constantly met with reminders of them. "Oh so-and-so would enjoy this so much." Constantly. But it was weird. I was disconnected from a lot. The internet was not accesible in my room and maybe it was a blessing. As was the limited cable the hotel tv offers- so limited I actually seriously debated paying $14.99 to watch Bewitched on my hotel TV (I decided against it). But these things, they worked for me. It's as if there was a cut in things that drain me. I don't mean they're negative things they are just more things to do. More items on the list to check. It was interesting. I can't wait to do it again as long as it's not right around the corner or too long. These five days were perfect. Just enough time really.

1 of you have had really deep thoughts
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