2006-01-11 - 3:25 a.m. : Some really exhausted ramblings
Today was just freaking ridiculous. I'm not going to go into the bad shit that happened today because I'm just now getting over it.

Despite the insanity of today, I somehow managed to pull together a really good powerpoint presentation for my boss and the big gala in March. It's gorgeous and clean and lively and I have to say that I surprised myself.

I've always had this problem translating what I envision in my very crowded brain into reality through whatever medium I so choose. This is one of the times where I came really close and it's exciting for me. It's not perfect and there are things I would've done differently but my boss wanted it done that way for the client so that's how it goes.

Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. And really drained and headachey. My butt hurts and believe it or not my freaking UTERUS hurts from sitting in this chair so long working on this thing-- I've been working on it since 8 or so.

The thing is I'm kinda in this weird place where I'm like, "COME ON! Give me more! What else can I do??" and yet not everything is an acceptable answer because I don't want to remove my butt from the chair. I know when the butt peels off the chair, it's over and will only rest again on my cushy bed.

By the way, two little anecdotes regarding the child and the bun in the oven.

Regarding M...

Today we were in the car rushing on empty to J's office to meet with the agent to complete the mortgage application within the two day limit. I'm so very stressed out because we'd just gotten a scary estimate of closing costs and I'm just hormonal as hell and really this house thing is freaking STRESSful. So M is in the backseat and he's asking me these questions like "Did you see all those ambulances mommy?" "What was that noise mommy?" "Did you see all those ambulances mommy?" "What was that noise mommy?" And over and over and over again. So first I answered them. "Those aren't ambulances M, those are police cars." "That noise was the ambulance going by." "That's not an ambulance M, it's a truck." "I don't know what that noise was. Which noise are you talking about?" And then when that really didn't satisfy him, I took to ignoring him and listening to music. That definitely didn't work and besides it made me feel guilty. I asked him if he could please be quiet for a little while because Mommy was driving and couldn't answer so many questions. "No Mommy! I can't be quiet!" And the questions came back. So finally I get really frustrated because I have now realized that we are in a hurry, on empty, and that I left my wallet at home which contained the license of which a copy is needed for the mortgage application and the credit card with which I'd purchase gasoline. Another question comes at me. "I don't KNOW what the noise is M. Instead of asking me all of these questions why don't you use your brain and figure it out?" Silence. And then...

"No Mommy. There are no brains here." And There are no brains here became a mini chorus interspersed with questions. "What's that noise? There are no brains here." Yeah. I love him to death and want to wrap him up in a taco shell and cover him in cheese and sour cream and some mild sauce from taco bell and eat him.

Regarding Sharkbait...
Oh Sharkbait. Quiet little growing unsuspecting Sharkbait. When I'm really stressed and sick and tired and everything I go lie down in my bed. And I always START by lying on my side which gets uncomfortable and so I roll on to my back and eventually I'll realize that there might be some flutterings going on. And so I'll put my hands over my belly and pay attention. Sometimes it takes forever. Sometimes, it's instant-- a bump or a weird sensation I can only describe as something rolling inside. Sometimes I just know I've got my hand over it's head or butt. Some times it lasts for a long time and other times it's just a short little how do you do? please do roll back on to your side and GET OFF ME kinda thing. But it makes me happy and I just want to melt into a smiley puddle. And then I get all paranoid and nervous and ask whoever is up there to please protect my family that I simply adore very, very, very much.

0 of you have had really deep thoughts
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