2006-02-23 - 1:54 a.m. : Wishin' and Hopin'
Every few hours things change. I was incredibly worried about my husband last night and I'm going to wrap this up as quickly as possible so I can climb into bed now instead of later. I might not be able to sleep well regardless but I know that my being in the bed calms him down big time. The past couple of nights I've climbed into a sweat-soaked bed and lain next to a tooth grinding, tumbling, tossing, clearly anxious husband.

J hates, absolutely hates, baring his soul and yet he wears his heart on his sleeve. It's strange but it seems the people who try and bottle it in the most are also the ones you can plainest see the suffering on their faces, in their body language, etc. His mom was worried too noting that today he called her in the middle of the day for no reason and that he never does that- their chats are for morning traffic. When she had to let him go because a client arrived she said she'd call him back to talk because clearly something was wrong and he said no he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

It. That's what it is really. Just a giant it of horrific negativity. It's been exhausting. I still don't know when things will happen, but at least I have an idea as to what is supposed to happen. All I really and truly care about is making sure that J is ok. Everything else is just a matter of wishing and hoping.

2:11 AM P.S. I just dropped a little tag I made J out of glitter glue. Face down. I jsut re-did it as a little notecard. P.P.S. I have a sick fascination with glitter glue- especially red and silver.

1 of you have had really deep thoughts
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